Week 3 New England Patriots Performance Review

Toilet

Well, that pretty much sums up the Patriots performance last evening.

Now don’t forget, I’m NOT unbiased here.  I’m always pulling for the Patriots and looking for the best in them, but I took some notes during last nights horrific game and here’s what I’ve got to say…

Opening kickoff…Hey, this Cordarrelle Patterson kid is good!

Detroit’s first series, they moved the ball with ease, but had to settle for a field goal.  They had their way with our defense.

2 straight three and outs for the Patriots offense and they don’t look like they know what they’re doing.

The Lions are running all over our team.

Another three and out for the good guys.

ok, 3.35 left in the first half before the Patriots get their FIRST first down!  Ooooo, look at that, 2 plays later and we have another first down.

2:40 left in the first half and we finally sniffed the Lions half of the field.

Third first down.

:40 seconds left and the patriots finally put 3 points up on the board.

Start of the third quarter and the Patriots kick off.

IT’S A PICK!  The Pats D showed up to start the first half for sure!

We got a sweet first down on a 15 yard face mask penalty on the Lions.  Come on fellas, let them tug on your masks some more.  We love free yardage!

Moving the ball well now.

2nd and 1 and Brady does his patented QB sneak for an easy first down.

TD pass to James White!  Woot woot!  That drive only took about three and a half minutes.

Bah!  gave up a long TD pass.  Guys in the secondary didn’t look like they knew who had who.

Another good kickoff return for Patterson.  I’m really liking this guy.

Ok, 3 straight passes from Brady hit the receivers in their hands, but no completions.

Well, that was the end of my notes, because it was just a shit show after that.  Let me TRY to highlight the boxscore now:

Brady passed for 133 yards for one touchdown and one interception…definitely not a highlight.

Leading rusher ran for 50 yards…Not a highlight.

Leading receiver caught for 51 yards…yawn.

Deatrich Wise had a sack and seemed to get the D going to start the second half.  I’m gonna call that a highlight, just because.

Ja’Whaun Bentley had that interception…that’s a highlight, AND I’ve never typed the name Ja’Whaun before, so that’s another highlight for me.  Hey, I’m graspin’ at straws here.

Patterson averaged 28.3 yards on kickoff returns….we’ll take that all year long!

Ummm, what else…Gostkowski was a perfect 1/1 kicking field goals…yeah, it’s a stretch, but when there isn’t much to choose from, you take what you can get.

Ohhhh, Ryan Allen averaged over 43 yards a punt.  Now you know you’re desperate when you’re throwing kickers and punters out there for highlights.

Our defense game up 4.8 yards per rush, 9.7 yards per passing completion and a woeful 7.3 yards for passing ATTEMPT.

Did I mention, we’re now two games behind the Dolphins in the AFC east AND we play them next week.  We could conceivably be 3 games behind them with them winning one game against us by the end of the week.

Now…all that being said…now is NOT the time to worry.  We were without our top defensive end (basically the only guy that pressures the quarterback) in Trey Flowers.  We were without our best safety in Patrick Chung.  We were without Eric Rowe, one of our better cornerbacks.  We didn’t have Josh Gordon suit up, but he will definitely bolster or wide receiver corps.  We get Pro Bowl wide receiver, Julian Edelman back in week five.  Burkhead went out with a neck injury.  We had 3 active wide receivers and two and a half running backs (fullback doesn’t count here).  We are going to get healthy.  We are going to get better.  We haven’t accidentally won the division for 612 straight years.  DO NOT PANIC.  Don’t jump off the boat.  Remember the movie Titanic?  There was plenty of room on that board for Jack to get on at the end, but he was a pussy.  Don’t be a Jack!  Stick with Bill’s game plan, for he has brought us to the promised land more than anyone else has ever been!

Thanks for listening to another lunatics ramblings.

Feel free to hit up the donations page because ‘m almost out of beer!

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